The programmers of sites like Barnes and Noble online need to get sacked.
I got tired of receiving their promotional email after placing one order from their site. I obviously was NOT asked if they could market to me via email, because I never opt into those. And I would not have volunteered my email address for one of their ‘updates’ emails, which is made even more clear by the fact that the email I used for this particular transaction followed the format, “retailername-order (at) my domain.com.” Not, “sendmeboatloadsofspam”, “order.” See the difference? Owning a vanity domain name with wildcard email can have its advantages – it sometimes can help you identify who sold your email.
Not only did I not opt in, but when I attempted to follow the ‘easy’ unsubscription link (at least there’s one of those, right?) I get to a page telling me I don’t have cookies turned on. Yes, I do, you morons. I just don’t happen to have a Windows machine. Verified this after Safari and Firefox for OS X didn’t work, nor did OmniWeb, until I went to its nifty Site Preferences control panel, changed it so my browser would show up as Internet Explorer 6 for Windows, and got right through. Again, this time in a Napoleon Dynamite voice: “Idiots!” Who does that sort of thing anymore?
Next insult to my now gaping injury: Even though they’ve used their email to me to generate a *unique URL*, apparently they can’t generate one unique enough to let me go directly to a simple page with a big fat ‘Unsubscribe me now from all of these stupid promotions!” button. No, first they make me log in with the email address they’re spamming me with, and my password. Okay. Then I’m supposed to fiind the right link to ‘Manage my communication preferences.” Sure, okay. Now I’m to uncheck all of the boxes (all of them, of course) representing how I want them to communicate with me, and submit. Okay, done.
Except… wait, this response message says that while I *have* succeeded at removing my email from this portion of the site, that doesn’t have anything to do with my Newsletter and Alert Subscriptions! In order to do that, I need to enter my email address into some boxes on another page, over in my KEEP ME POSTED Preference Center. Oh. WTH? How am I supposed to know whether I’ve stopped their stupid junk mail yet or not, or whether it’s being generated from the other section I haven’t managed (to kill, cease and desist!) yet?
Okay, I go to that page and enter my email, and submit. And then I wait for far too long (five minutes? It ought to be five seconds.) for the email telling me what my unique link to my ‘manage my prefences’ page is. Sounds like some crappy integration there, folks. Not that I’m surprised, really. I click that link, which takes me to yet another page with four categories: I can manage my Newsletters, Writer Alerts, DVD Alerts, and Music Alerts! Woo doggy!
Of course, as I click through each of these categories, all of the check boxes for all four sections are blank. Which is a good thing, because they’re all next to a whole bunch of people and bands and categories I have even less interest in hearing about. So, of course, whatever the heck I bought from the store, had no effect on customizing this page. After all, I’ve already GOT something by Nick Montfort (his delightful, “Twisty Little Passages” is a great treatise on Interactive Fiction), and had he ever written anything else, why the heck would I want to know about THAT? No, Shania Twain or Lilian Jackson Braun alerts ONLY, please.
The point is, this site has wasted a lot of my time, and raised my blood pressure. I have a grudging sort of respect for the mind or minds of the weaselly little people who convinced the Barnes and Noble corporate team that this structure was a suitable one for interacting with people, online. However, following the ‘more flies with honey’ dictum, I don’t think their marketing strategy works if it alienates the customer.
Why don’t I just tell someone at the company? It’d sure be nice to feel like there was a way to do so! Look at their front page. Do you see the word ‘Contact’ anywhere on it? No? Okay, for a lark, try clicking on the ‘About Barnes & Noble’ link (nope!) or the ‘Customer Service’ link under ‘Quick Help.’ Oh, WAIT A MINUTE! I finally found it. Here it is, under the section, ‘Still Need Help?’ — that lists their phone number (it says, “If you’d prefer to talk to us directly, call our Customer Service Center at 1-800-THE-BOOK (1-800-843-2665). International customers should call us at 201-272-3651.”) and a handy email form, located here. But I’ve already started this post, so let’s take it to its logical conclusion. Then I’ll use the form to send them a brief summary and a link to this post.
I have this guilty little fantasy that should help to reveal the depth and breadth of my ire: A product manager strolls over to the desk of the person who programmed this abomination… no, make that conference room table around which the entire TEAM that programmed this site, are gathered… drops a stack of printouts of this post, and says, “I take it you’ve all read this. If you guys don’t have all of these complaints fixed by the end of the week, you’re all fired.” Oh, and it’s like Wednesday at 3:45 pm or something.
If this had been a junk email from a spammer, I would have simply edited my .procmailrc and been done with it. But having been given the option to ‘opt out’ of promotions, I normally try to give the retailer the benefit of the doubt. Barnes and Noble is NOT a retailer that I’ll be doing any more online business with. I hope that this tirade has been helpful, or at least amusing, to you.
This paragraph is a pithy yet empatic attempt to be sure to link the phrases “Barnes and Noble” (idiots) and “Barnes & Noble” (morons) with words like lousy, antiquated, weasely, hamfisted, poltroons, and “Frumious Bandersnatch.” OHO!
I should add here that Target has also been spamming me, following an order to Amazon’s site which was fulfilled by Target. And while their site DOES allow me to easily click ONE link, and then ONE, big red unsubscribe button (and what a funny joke: another red button saying, “I changed my mind! Keep me on the list!”) — it’s just as reprehensible (that means, odious for you folks at Target… well, close enough) The point is, I am also amused by this paragraph from the Target email:
“To contact the sender of this e-mail, write to Target Guest Relations, Target Corporation, Mail Stop 1A-X, P.O. Box 9350, Minneapolis, MN 55440-9350.”
BIG JUICY HINT, FOLKS: EMAIL IS A TWO-WAY STREET.
Why does the phrase, “Deserve to be bombed back to the Stone Age” come to mind? It’s just as quickly dismissed when you realize that they’re still living there.